@LADaddy: There's a button on this hotel phone that says, "Pizza".
I may never leave.
@Jedi_Daddy: "I'll have the Anti-sleeping Prescription"
"Sir, those are kids"
@Matt_The_1st: If stray cats are free, why is Chinese food so expensive?
@JaySaysStuff: Hot single dads in your area AREN'T WORKING 60 HOURS A WEEK FOR YOU TO AIR CONDITION THE WHOLE NEIGHBORHOOD SHUT THE GODDAMN DOOR.
@TheToddWilliams: COP: Where were you the night of the murder?
CROW: I was with a group of friends
COP: What would you call that group?
CROW: …I want a lawyer
@MunkMania: You know shit's getting real when someone bets their glass eye at the neighborhood poker game.