@LADaddy: There's a button on this hotel phone that says, "Pizza".
I may never leave.
@SaraMansford: Date: Do u have any allergies?
Me: I'm allergic to raisins. They make me cry
D: That's an unusual reaction
M: They could've been wine!!
@minnie_in_pink7: Not to brag, but I can cure a man of having a thing for me in five minutes flat.
@RandiLawson: a murder of crows, a pride of lions, a virgin of gamers
@junejuly12: Thinking it's a not a good thing when the pizza delivery guy knows my dog by name.
@ChaseMit: You'll get this gun when you pry it out of my cold dead ow hey give that back