@BGH70: There's a guy in this Taco Bell bathroom stall so loud I'm not sure if it's performance art or a solstice goat sacrifice.
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@Snarfernini: He said we needed to talk so I screamed 'Who are you & what are you doing in my house?' Long story short, it was his house & his wife is mad
@david8hughes: Juror: we find the defendant guilty Me: objection your honour! U already asked me if I was guilty & I told u I wasn't Judge: he has a point
@Coolisiana: (Ad for a baby) • gently used • can't even kill you • doesn't shed • poops on a learning curve • goes from 0-60 in roughly 60 years
@Thedudish: My fridge is so empty, I just saw a fly in my kitchen wearing a pastry apron, kneading dough and mumbling "He doesn't even buy bread."