@laurenmacdonald: There's a lot of strange facts in this world if you think about it. For example, some people like when there's pulp in their orange juice.
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@undeadmolly: I deliberately mispronounce 'quinoa' and then adjust the server's tip according to how condescending they are when they correct me.
@ActualPerson084: FIRMS YOU'VE NEVER HEARD OF OFFERING SERVICES YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND AT PRICES THEY REFUSE TO DISCUSS.
@IamEveryDayPpl: My husband has been missing for a week, the police say to prepare for the worst... So I went to the thrift store & got all his clothes back!
@TheToddWilliams: Boss: It's been a tough year Jim J: Am I laid off? B: No J: Fired? B: No J: What then? B: You're to be executed at noon. J: This is bullshit