There's a man at the mall wearing cargo pants and a fanny pack, who I believe is in the process of becoming a suitcase.

@UncleDuke1969: The worst part about "Friends" being canceled is that I've now been stuck with Rachel's last haircut since 2004.

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@samiru27: Jane Austen really squandered the opportunity to write a sequel called "2 Proud 2 Prejudiced."

1

@Home_Halfway: ME: How much for this aggressive bottle of water? FIREFIGHTER: Sir that's a hydrant

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@NoompsyDahling: People who say love is dead have obviously never seen me eat a burrito.

132

@DirtMcTurd: My favorite part of the date is when I tell her that I want her to have my kids. And then I give them to her, all 3 of them.

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