@ruinedpicnic: There's a marble statue of Mr. Peanut sculpted by Michaelangelo in the basement of the Sistine Chapel that only the popes know about
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@MartaEffing: I hate when I take a nap on a park bench and everyone assumes I homeless. People with houses get tired, too.
@jonnysun: PSYCHOLOGIST: [holding up inkblot] wat do u see ME: a outdated discredited method with no scientific backing PSYCHOLOGIST: [starts sweating]
@tastefactory: I have such a bad cold that when I breathe through my nose, it sounds like Marge Simpson sighing/expressing disapproval.