@omgthatspunny: There's a new type of broom out, it's sweeping the nation.
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@DaddyJew: [lunch break] Gf: I have 30min Me: you thinking what im thinking? Gf: oh yea *starts undressing Me: *googles closest laser tag location
@Reverend_Scott: Goodnight honey. "Daddy, where do babies come from?" The stork flies them in. "Why's it take 9 months?" Wind resistance. Go to sleep.
@caribbeanaj: I really wanted to remarry the woman I divorced a year ago, but she said I was only after my money.