@Snarfernini: There's a spider in my bathroom. I neither can kill it or capture it, so now it has its very own room in my house to raise its spider family
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@DrDogMD: DR DOG: The test results came back. PATIENT: Oh God DR DOG: The tumor is-- *sees a squirrel out the window and takes off*
@marinarachael: I don't know why we have three different pig emojis but it's great for when you need to tell someone a pig is slowly approaching: 🐖 🐷 🐽
@XplodingUnicorn: 5-year-old: *spreads arms wide* I love you this much. Me: Aw. 5: *spreads arms even wider* But I'd love you this much if we had a pool.