@Snarfernini: There's a spider in my bathroom. I neither can kill it or capture it, so now it has its very own room in my house to raise its spider family
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@Kyle_Lippert: Go to Starbucks. Tell them your name is Dad. Hide in the crowd. Listen as the hipster barista says "Dad?..Dad?..DAD?..DAD?!" & starts crying
@cupcakelynda: Just opened the freezer and the vodka literally rolled out into my hands, no way I could ignore this sign from god.
@dinaliz2: it was hard being a teenager with the last name لزيق i mean stalk one guy and you're لزيقة for the next three years
@AnnaisAwesome76: I’m 39, If you invite me to a party that only starts after 10pm, I’m not even going to pretend I’ll make it.