@tastefactory: There's a spider that's been in the same place on my living room wall for an hour so he's essentially also watching Shrek.
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@justabloodygame: [shopping for make-up] "Excuse me, what will make my eyes pop?" "I know exactly what you need." [boots you into the vacuum of deep space]
@Dutch_50: Survey: Are you a Democrat or a Republican? Me: Labels are for soup cans Survey: Can you tell us which way you're leaning? Me: Clam chowder
@SocialExtortion: Hey, not too bad I know mom I know mom I know mom I know mom I know mom I know mom I know mom I love you too Ok, bye -phone convos with mom