@tastefactory: There's a spider that's been in the same place on my living room wall for an hour so he's essentially also watching Shrek.
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@OctoberJones: In honour of Agatha Christie, turn off all the lights and kill one of your work colleagues.
@BigHeb7: Free advice: Saying "meaty shaft" in a corporate meeting is like saying bomb on an airplane.
@KenJennings: I subscribe to Groupon because it's good to know which nearby restaurants have mediocre food & will probably be out of business soon.
@MalcInYourWife: So women draw their eyebrows on daily, and nothing is said. I sharpie on a beard for movember and suddenly everyone has something to say.