@The_JRM: There's a woman here who, by the amount of makeup on her face, fought with a rainbow - and lost.
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@dubstep4dads: I wonder if Sallys parents were like "Yeah great idea Sally. Sell seashells. On the seashore. Where there are tons of free shells. Idiot."
@HandyJack420: My daughter just finished watching Frozen so, counting today that's 12,521,865,635,869 times since Tuesday
@mrjohndarby: [meeting my gf's parents] her: *quietly* don't worry, my dad's nice but he doesn't say much [later] her dad: I love my daughter very a lot me: i see
@hotsoccerchic69: my mom walked in when I was printing out a naked picture of a woman in 5th grade& we sat there in silence listening to the loud, 90s printer