@LisaMcAlister1: There's an opening for a scapegoat at our office. I think you'd be perfect for the job.
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@FuckabillyRex: Hey, babygirl, I have ten bucks and a BOGO coupon for McDonalds. Wanna come watch me eat two Big Macs?
@Julie_McGann1: I'm off to a 3yr olds party. There'll be tears, tantrums and throwing up on the carpet. But enough about me, Im sure the kids will have fun.
@lilgapeach32: Dear little baby Jesus, If I got what I deserved, it'd be bad. But my daddy deserves the best. Please send him a handsome son-in-law. Amen
@chrissyissie: Literally held in a sneeze because I was giving my husband the silent treatment and I didn't want him to bless me