@LisaMcAlister1: There's an opening for a scapegoat at our office. I think you'd be perfect for the job.
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@kiel_phillips: ME: I would like a complaint form ASSISTANT: Sorry, we have none left ME: I would like two complaint forms
@CakeThrottle: I ordered my latte wrong at that new gypsy coffee place and now my shadow is a horse shadow
@Robert_Beau: I just released a new fragrance, and the people on this elevator are not happy about it.
@notshivi: Everyone prepare yourself for National "How is it May already?" Day coming up tomorrow where people who don't know how calendars work tweet.