@LisaMcAlister1: There's an opening for a scapegoat at our office. I think you'd be perfect for the job.
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@spacej_me: Sorry you handed me your baby and I immediately put it in the garbage I thought that's what we were doing.
@Home_Halfway: Hello everyone, this is your captain speaking. The plane's going down. Look, stop screaming, that's not going to make me a better pilot
@aidanjsears: INTERVIEWER: so what makes you qualified to work at comcast ME: *shows up four hours later* INTERVIEWER: you're hired
@pattymo: Idea: maybe the police force for a town of 20,000 shouldn't have access to weapons you ordinarily need cheat codes to get