@LisaMcAlister1: There's an opening for a scapegoat at our office. I think you'd be perfect for the job.
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@SortaBad: "I'd like to make a large cash deposit" teller: ok, how much do you have? "Wow can't a guy just share his dreams without being pressured?"
@jordan_stratton: Doctor: "We got your test results back. I'm so sorry--it's Curiosity." Cat: "Oh my god..."
@_ElvishPresley_: Me: I’ll have the steak Waiter: how do you like it Me: idk I haven’t eaten it yet
@Parkerlawyer: My kid lost a tooth and the Tooth Fairy doesn’t have anything less than a $20 bill. This is not the motherhood I envisioned.