@NervousJr: There's awkward, and then there's listening to a man try to have a conversation with his hairdresser.
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@UNTRESOR: [meeting GF's mom] Wow! This must be your sister! Your baby sister! *shakes keys in front of her face* I'm overselling this, aren't I?
@BGH70: When choosing a heart medicine, always pick the one that causes, "significantly less bleeding." Less bleeding is good for not being dead.