@_itspat_: There's been a rash of break ins recently involving teenage boys, so I switched out all the locks in my home with bra clasps.
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@TwoSapphiresBlu: My kids are teenagers, and I've found the same thing fixes their bad moods as when they were toddlers: a snack and a nap.
@murrman5: [catching breath at friends house] I was being chased by a bike cop so I threw up a left turn signal but actually turned right and it worked
@fightforfood: The first person to milk a cow probably saw a baby cow nursing and was like oh yeah people do that too and I have no food I don't wanna die
@AimeeHelene1: Wait, what's that noise? Is there a dying cat outside? Oh...no...it's just a 50 yr old man racing a remote control car down the road.