@_itspat_: There's been a rash of break ins recently involving teenage boys, so I switched out all the locks in my home with bra clasps.
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@Manda_like_wine: Son, your father and I have something to tell you - you were adopted. Your new parents are waiting outside in the car.
@_mindflakes: Friend: Have you tried doing things in a normal, correct way? Me: No, that is not how I choose to live my life
@EndhooS: Me: there you go babe… [lays jacket over puddle so my girl doesn't get her feet wet] GF: you could have used your own coat
@TheDairylandDon: If I hear people screaming, I always go check on them. Not because I'm nosy or some kind of hero. There might be ice cream.