@notfaizzy: There's been lots of "OH MY GOD!" screams coming from the room opposite mine; I just wish the couple in there didn't pick now to be praying.
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@TEXASVETERAN: My dad annoyed my mom calling her "Mother of 7" until the day she called him "Father of 4".
@hippieswordfish: absolutely despicable that gingerbread men are forced to live in houses made of their own flesh
@TheTweetOfGod: I believe meat is murder, vegetables are burglary, bread is mail fraud and dairy is impersonating a police officer.
@upsidedowntrash: [1st Row at Beyoncé Concert] Beyoncé: Who run da world?! *points mic at me* ME: [having briefly heard the song once before] …squirrels?