@notfaizzy: There's been lots of "OH MY GOD!" screams coming from the room opposite mine; I just wish the couple in there didn't pick now to be praying.
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@Schmoodles: Arguing with religious people is like trying to explain quantum mechanics to a potato.
@mompsychologist: 5yo after licking my face: "Sorry. My mouth meant to kiss you but my brain told me to lick you."
@JesKeepSwimming: THERE ARE 7 BILLION PEOPLE IN THE WORLD. WHY WOULD YOU HAVE SEX WITH KITCHENWARE? Oh, that's not what pansexual means. Carry on then.
@david8hughes: [describing criminal to sketch artist] No, his eyes were closer together than that, like a concussed mouse. He had a Spanish skeleton.