@Bill_Nye_Tho__: there's literally no way to know for sure how many chameleons are chillin in your house right now
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@DaddyJew: 7: I didn't do my homework Me: why not? 7: they told us to write about the new president Me: so? 7: you told me not to cuss
@WoodyLuvsCoffee: Thanks for the Christmas card featuring the ultrasound photo. Here's one of my family gathered around an MRI of my knee.
@TitansHomer: What did Jay-Z call his girlfriend before getting married? Feyonce. *drops mic, throws up dynasty sign*