@MoistPork: There's no "I" in meat, but there's "me" and "eat", and I don't know how vegans can argue with that logic.
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@AndyAsAdjective: She looks at me with those come hither eyes & I'm over here frantically flipping thru a dictionary trying to figure out what "hither" means.
@bad_as_you_want: Found my 16yr old daughters Twitter today, made her deactivate it...after I copied all of her best material to my draft folder of course
@hello_saylor: Fact: it's impossible to look tough while getting a snack from a vending machine. You're all, "Wheeee! A tiny bag of Cheetos!"