@MoistPork: There's no "I" in meat, but there's "me" and "eat", and I don't know how vegans can argue with that logic.
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@jjax44: It sucks when you & your pal show up at a party wearing the same shirt...and an hour in, his chest hair starts sticking to your back.
@RandomlyMJ: Thanks to Twitter I will never again ask a man "What are you thinking?" Because now I know and I am horrified.
@WilliamAder: Told my wife that Hooters is an owl rescue sanctuary where I'm doing important volunteer work.
@fanofhell: For your final meal request to eat the electric chair and then the warden will be like well now what do we do he ate our electric chair