@patnspankme: There's no I in team but there is an I in marriage. There's also ME, AA and RAGE.
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@ChaseMit: My little sister is bringing her black boyfriend to my grandparents' house for Thanksgiving so I'm bringing popcorn and a comfortable chair.
@girl_a_whirl: Giving birth? Passing a gallstone? Monica Seles tennis match? Possible scenarios from sounds emitted from chic on elliptical next to me
@DirtMcTurd: [Hospital front desk] "Yeah my wife is here for weight loss surg-" *wife hits me* "Baby delivery, I mean she's here to deliver a baby"
@AnOrangeSNES: Galactus is about to eat our solar system when he flips over the label WARNING: CONTAINS MERCURY "No thanks, I'll eat something else."