@SardonicTart: There's no "I" in team but there is one in shut your stupid mouth.
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@Schmoodles: My computer crashed and now all the other computers have slowed down so they can see what's happening.
@MollySneed: Every once in a while someone comes along, and if you are really still they'll eventually go away.
@david8hughes: Wife: Why is there a bouncy castle in the garden? Me out of breath with no shoes on: I'm not sure.
@djdarrellripley: Her: Isn't she your girlfriend? Me: No, No, No, I broke up with her two days ago. She just hasn't checked her voice mail yet...