@JohnHilsen: "There's no I in TEAM," he yells. "There's no COACH in LOCKER ROOM," I respond. He leaves in stunned silence, and is never seen again.
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@StellaRtwot: We wouldn't really have any national debt in this country if strippers would just pay their damn income taxes.
@LackOfShame: [Call from cell company] We can give you 15 gigs for $100 Me: Excellent! *Puts the band back together
@JD_Barney: I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"