@JohnHilsen: "There's no I in TEAM," he yells. "There's no COACH in LOCKER ROOM," I respond. He leaves in stunned silence, and is never seen again.
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@amyjcordova: Bartender: What can I get you, gorgeous? Me: The blood of all my enemies. Bartender: Me: Bartender: Me: Miller Light
@caliluvgirl77: coworker: did you hear someone used all the charity money to buy snacks from the vending machine me: *laughing nervously* that's awful
@Lipgloss_Nerd: Even in the darkest moments there's always a light at the end of the tunnel, but yours will probably be an oncoming freight train.
@MoneypennyNaked: I could never be on The Bachelor. I don't need millions watching me get dumped & cry on tv. It's bad enough my cat sees that shit everyday.