@CelebrityChez: There's no law that says you can't use a tiny pancake as an eyepatch.
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@hazelmotes1: Our Mexican neighbor made us dinner and it tastes like I committed a grave error in marrying a white girl.
@3sunzzz: Me: I can't believe we have $900 for Christmas gifts this year! Fridge: I don't feel well. I think I have a fever.
@SinfulShelly: I scare off men like I'm some kind of evil clown hiding in their closet. "I'm not a clown!" I shouted as I sniffed his sweater vest.
@AmishPornStar1: Never judge a book by its cover... Take it to dinner and see how it treats the waitstaff, then judge it.