@Just__J0: There's no such thing as a five second rule if you're putting it on someone else's plate.
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@squirrel74wkgn: One time, I pulled my pants down to moon someone & accidentally opened the car door instead of the window & rolled down the street naked.
@JonasPolsky: James Bond is the type of top secret spy who announces who he is, then shoots everyone and sets off a bomb while doing absolutely no spying.
@lloydrang: Will I. Am's headstone will read "Will I. Was," completing history's longest set-up to a punchline
@3sunzzz: If you can't get your baby to stop crying, try vacuuming. Then you can't hear your baby crying and your floors will be clean.