@John_Quaintance: There's no such thing as detoxing your body, but enjoy spending three hundred bucks on your diarrhea.
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@ch000ch: mom: brush your teeth and put on your pajamas me: mom i'm a grown man. i don't need u telling me how to get ready for story time.
@DocBrown21: My next tattoo will be "helvetica" written in Arial. When a woman corrects me on it, I will marry her
@AndyAsAdjective: *steps out of time machine* SCIENTIST: so did you kill Hitler? ME: [holding a cute little baby triceratops] um yeah, about that…