@gerryhallcomedy: There's no such thing as "elevator etiquette" buddy. Just enjoy your back scratch.
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@CoopSoSarc: I hung a horseshoe above the door for goodluck. My wife still came home. Superstitions are stupid.
@kelkulus: The US Defense budget is 40x bigger than NASA's. It's surprising we actually went to the moon instead of blowing it up.
@TheCatWhisprer: [trying to stop my toddler's tantrum in a restaurant] *harsh whisper* If you don't cut it out right now then there's nothing else I can do
@PuncherJetpack: Not saying obamacare is perfect but the data doesn't lie. With Obamacare there've been zero Hitlers. Before obamacare there was at least one