@gerryhallcomedy: There's no such thing as "elevator etiquette" buddy. Just enjoy your back scratch.
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@prodigalsam: Pretty cool to think every time the Verizon guy said "Can you hear me now?" the NSA was quietly answering "Yes we can."
@cbdoubleu: Not to brag, but I have the high score on 7 different blood pressure machines around the city. *enters initials
@BoogTweets: Me: You know that prank where you put dog poop in a bag and set the persons house on fire? Her: You mean set the bag on fire Me: [sirens]
@jus4golf: 15 just texted me that she was on her period and needed a chocolate bar. How absorbent could a chocolate bar even be?!