@FilthyRichmond: There's no such thing as "fair trade" honey. Those bees are gettin' screwed.
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@SethMacFarlane: Someone left a flyer on my windshield asking me to envision heaven, so I pictured a world where no one leaves flyers on my windshield.
@mzyvonne7: I have enough money to live comfortably for the rest of my life, if I die next Thursday
@AristotlesNZ: Boss: "Thanks for making me my coffee. You know what'd go well with this?" Me: "The antidote?" Boss: "No, a nice..Wait, what?" Me: "Nothing"
@donjuantip: Your cell should have a 'drunk mode' like 'airplane mode' so that no text messages or tweets leave your phone but you can still call a taxi.