@FilthyRichmond: There's no such thing as "fair trade" honey. Those bees are gettin' screwed.
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@Mr_Kapowski: [walks into 4D ultrasound office] Receptionist: Uh sir. This is for pregnant women Me: I just want to see my burrito again
@kathybotteas: Back in the day my parents wanted me to marry only one of my own. Now they're like "That orangutan looks nice. That elephant looks smart."
@Marcmywords2: Mom She gave me life She gave me love She gave me sarcasm She gave me the ability to cut brake lines so that it looks like an accident.
@13spencer: [Justice League HQ] Batman: Hahaha *changes his HBO GO® password and doesn't give the new one to The Flash*