@Donna_McCoy: There's no time capsule quite like the pocket of a coat that's been in the closet for a year.
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@KKAlThani: A cop stopped me & asked "do you know why I followed you" so I said "cause my tweets are funny" & we laughed & high-fived & I'm in jail.
@TheCiscoKidder: I'm convinced that my wife took 9 years of education at 3 different colleges just to win all the arguments for the rest of my life.
@MichaelLarrick: Being illiterate and having a girlfriend would be easy. They'd be like "did you get my text?" and you could just be like "I can't read."