@Donna_McCoy: There's no time capsule quite like the pocket of a coat that's been in the closet for a year.
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@rickkondell: It's nice that my vacuum has a headlight just in case I want to clean in the dark or wake my dog up thinking he's getting hit by a train.
@patnspankme: If stranded in a lifeboat in the middle of the sea, rub 2 FB accounts together to generate enough thoughts & prayers to lift you to safety.
@urgeekisshowing: That awkward moment when someone asks if you've dyed your hair and you say no, its just clean.
@BeardedSteel: *stealthily lowers myself from the ceiling into co-worker's office *sprays breath freshener into his mouth before the meeting *retracts