@mzeld: There’s no “u” in employee. You’re fired.
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@aRealLiveGhost: to someone with x-ray vision two people making out look like skeletons that are really bad at eating each other
@samalmightysam: Women can detect even the smallest of lies, but on TV they tell them they can lose 20 pounds in 5 days and they believe it all.
@Cheeseboy22: I'm offended that horses don't put their hooves over their hearts during the National Anthem when they win a gold in equestrian events.