@UNTRESOR: There's no "u" in narcissist
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@evanwilliams: RESTAURANT WEBSITE DESIGNER: You know what your website needs? RESTAURANT OWNER: A clear way to contact us and reserve a table? RESTAURANT WEBSITE DESIGNER: A 3,000 word 'our philosophy' section. RESTAURANT OWNER: (nodding) Let's not even put our phone number on the website.
@HiddenPinky: Hi, I'd like a salamus sandwich, please. "You mean salami?" No, just a single salamus. "People who make Latin jokes are a bunch of ani."
@valerie_tosi: In the Phoenix airport & I just heard a guys laptop say "you've got mail". Pretty sure I've landed in 1998.