@UNTRESOR: There's no "u" in narcissist
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@iGreenMonk: When someone tell me , "long time no see" i usually reply, "I know, we're really not that good of friends"
@Darlainky: I eat the fries that are loose at the bottom of the bag first. That’s what they get for trying to escape.
@FrazzleMyGimp: FRIEND: To get out of a ticket, just make the cop laugh. [later] COP: Do you know why I pulled you over? ME: Uh oh, guess who's awoken the tickle monster?
@ruinedpicnic: "I want you back in my arms..." - me, drowsily, to the bag of blood hanging beside the donation bed