@BMcCarthy32: There's no way I'm the only person who thinks Kristen Stewart is doing the world's best Garfield impression.
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@AmericanGent69: Me: Finally, time to sleep! Brain: ahem Me: oh God please no Brain: I was thinking we could sing that catchy commercial jingle. 87 times.
@JohnHilsen: Was out on the golf course and shot an eagle at Hole 9. Mom doesn't believe me, but wait till she sees the eagle.
@HatfieldAnne: I shake you awake. “An octopus can create human-like, virtual elbows when feeding. Go back to sleep. I’ll tell you the rest in the morning.”
@amishschool: Wife leaves keys on counter with a helpful note saying "keys" in case I thought they were llamas.