@BMcCarthy32: There's no way I'm the only person who thinks Kristen Stewart is doing the world's best Garfield impression.
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@RoosterMustache: ME: look a possum HER: actually it's spelled opossum ME: you don't no how I spelled it, we're talking HER: actually it's spelled know
@Home_Halfway: Just gonna wait to see how long it takes this police sketch artist to realize I'm describing him.
@LeBearGirdle: *trying to ask a girl on a date* Me: hi, um [nervously wets lips] would you wanna go out sometime? Her: was- was that a mop?