@robfee: There’s no way the Ninja Turtles would have those ripped abs. You can’t do crunches with a shell attached to your back. Trust me I’ve tried.
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@david8hughes: [to hot girl at bus stop as bus approaches] "I could easily afford to get on that if I wanted to."
@TheBlessMess: Hoping to get "till death do us part" reduced to a 15 year sentence and time served.
@QwertyJones3: A lot of people don't realize that Shania Twain's father, Mark, was actually a pretty good writer.