@Jandalize: There's no way to look cool when the doctor walks into your exam room just as you're blowing up a rubber glove.
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@murrman5: [to pharmacist getting my pills that make me stop talking about ET] long day? "ugh I can't wait to go home" know who else wanted to go home
@ChrisRRegan: Oh, elderly neighbor: You defeated Hitler, yet you somehow can't figure out the car alarm?
@Vodkantots: Let It Snow is my favorite song about people who don't understand how weather works.
@mommy_cusses: When one door opens, another one opens, and then another, and another. Because kids.