@Jandalize: There's no way to look cool when the doctor walks into your exam room just as you're blowing up a rubber glove.
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@david8hughes: "911 what's your emergency?" "Yeah, I've got so many questions about bees." *sighs* "Please hold for the president."
@audipenny: Hey I got your text but then I died, I'll probably like resurrect when we accidentally run into each other though
@JoroPotential: If you broke up with your gf who works at a salad bar you can use the line "lettuce romaine friends" at a low cost of my student loans.
@AmishPornStar1: Don't you wish it was as easy to adjust the brightness level on people as it is on your phone?