@Jandalize: There's no way to look cool when the doctor walks into your exam room just as you're blowing up a rubber glove.
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@TheDanielleRock: There are two kinds of people in this world, people that know things and people who don't know how to use Google.
@iamburtjarvis: [2016, cincinnati zoo. boy falls into the enclosure] other gorilla: something brought a boy to the yard harambe [making a milkshake]: SHIT
@badbanana: "And to my son Ronald, I leave my entire collection of mint-condition, never-been-opened LinkedIn Updates emails."