@DamienFahey: There's no way witnessing the birth of your child is better than seeing your luggage come out first on the baggage carousel.
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@CM2BTTHD: My half-brothers had a Hungarian dad and an Eskimo dad. My dad was from Wales. Our dinner table was like the U.N...only with slapping.
@garrettbarry70: So, I bought a wok to cook healthy food and I have to say, these french fries don't taste any different.
@TheTweetOfGod: The two most popular gifts women receive on Valentine's Day are a box of things that make her fat and a bouquet of things she can watch die.
@prawn_meat: if you get caught speeding and a cop asks you "where's the fire" you can just make up an address. they don't have a list of current fires.