@13spencer: There's nothing funnier than a grown man aggressively dancing at somebody.
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@Sassafrantz: If a bear tries to attack you in the woods, give it your bicycle. Maybe it's one of those circus bears, you never know.
@RandomAntics: Maybe being fat isn't bad, it just sounds awful because we say 'morbidly obese'. Let's switch it to 'cheerfully obese' and see what happens.
@nattylumpo88: Mix it up a little. Text a random phone number the following msg: "The fat one won't fit into the woodchipper. What do you want me to do?"