@13spencer: There's nothing funnier than a grown man aggressively dancing at somebody.
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@novicefather: her: I have this weird fantasy where my man shaves me while I sleep me: k her: *wakes up with no eyebrows
@robyn_vo: Dad: HEY come here, did you go to school with this guy on tv? Me: Dad, that's Spongebob Squarepants Dad: Must've been in your sister's class
@thenatewolf: Using Instagram as my only data set, I estimate my friend’s food budget to be about $78,000 a year.
@NoTrophy4You: When I was 3 years old I looked at my nutsack and asked my Mom "Are these my brains?"."Not yet," she replied