@OfficialMizGin: There’s nothing more disappointing for a woman than finding out a bearded guy in a flannel shirt is a hipster and not a lumberjack.
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@Contwixt: Don't act like you've never used a pair of binoculars to try to peer through another pair of binoculars.
@MariyaAlexander: If diamonds are a girl's best friend how come diamonds never drunkenly make out with me?
@Reverend_Scott: Before you reply to a tweet, take a deep breath. Now hold it. Hold it... Hold it.... Hold it... Keep holding it... Die.