@OfficialMizGin: There’s nothing more disappointing for a woman than finding out a bearded guy in a flannel shirt is a hipster and not a lumberjack.
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@deegeemindi: If someone got my name tattooed on them I'd break up with them to prove it was a bad idea.
@daemonic3: "Welcome, teachers & parents, to our community school assembly" *gestures to 237 IKEA boxes* "Let's begin! Who's got the Allen wrench?"
@WhiteVictimacy: Food tastes best when seasoned with the tears of everyone behind you in line as you pay with pennies