@OfficialMizGin: There’s nothing more disappointing for a woman than finding out a bearded guy in a flannel shirt is a hipster and not a lumberjack.
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@handsock_butts: 6 year old: daddy look we've had a whirlpool in our house this whole time! Dad: for the love of god Timmy please get out of the toilet
@InternetHippo: [making money] Ugh this is boring and awful. But at least spending it will be nice! [spending money] Ah no this feels bad also
@jazmasta: Dear iPhone, I have typed "haha" like a million times, but yet you continually give me "haga", "hsha", "gaga", "hahss", "hahs" I hate you