@OfficialMizGin: There’s nothing more disappointing for a woman than finding out a bearded guy in a flannel shirt is a hipster and not a lumberjack.
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@david8hughes: Me: theres a man outside fighting with water Wife: the neighbour? Me: yes Wife: is he in the pool? Me: yes Wife: again, its called swimming
@BromanConsul: "Science HAS gone too far," I whisper, gazing out across the sea of boneless chickens slithering through the farmyard. The Colonel laughs.
@HatfieldAnne: My strong stance on drinking milk straight from the carton has met with no opposition from people who haven’t caught me yet.