@KenJennings: There's nothing more disturbing than the 1st time you hear someone you know using their "whooo's a good dog" voice.
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@krisv_723: *Gets called into HR Me: What was I accused of now? HR: I haven't had any sexual harassment claims against you lately. Is everything ok?
@WilliamAder: Weather Girl: I'm looking at six to ten inches tonight. Me, to the TV: But is it going to SNOW?
@DanMentos: "Dave just showed up" Dave the fireman or Dave who always uses inappropriate abbreviations? *Dave barges in* HEY GUYS I'M DTF "Yeah I dunno"
@DaddyBeerGuy: My daughter is worse than a twitter newbie.. She manually Retweets everything I say... To my wife!