@garrettbarry70: There's nothing more exciting than waking up with a half eaten burger in your hand.
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@TheToddWilliams: [Scientific Conference] Scientist 1: So science? Scientist 2: *nodding* Science.
@Book_Krazy: Pro-tip Ladies, try to refrain from plucking that one crazy hair from his nose while he's sleeping. He won't think it's as funny as you do.
@QwertyJones3: A girl called me "sir" today and I was so angry I took off my suit of armor and stormed out of Medieval Times.