@bluntphilip: There's nothing more realistic in this world than a 26 year old couple on a house hunting tv show with a $1 million budget.
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@decentbirthday: [camping] me: why can't i find any animals wife: the wildlife is very conservative here deer: climate change is a myth
@thefosterer: If I ever lose my girlfriend in the mall I just start checking other girls out and bam there she is yelling at me
@Brianhopecomedy: 5 year old: "That's a big truck!" "It's a moving truck." "ALL TRUCKS MOVE." Why am I the one that feels like an idiot?