@JRobb773: There's nothing you can't achieve with a positive attitude and a cursed doll possessed by a vengeful spirit.
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@XplodingUnicorn: 4-year-old: I put my Barbie in the tanning bed. Me: You don’t have a Barbie tanning bed. 4: Me: *sprints to the toaster*
@retardedwriter: If u think ur parents did nothing for you, remember Jackie Shrof named his son Tiger and Bappi Da named his son Bappa. Respect your parents
@simoncholland: [sitting at a table] Wife: writes number on paper and slides it across. Me: crosses out and writes new number *thermostat negotiations*
@AnOrangeSNES: [1st Date] (Okay, don't let her know you're addicted to eating fruit) Me: This is good [2nd Date] [3rd Date] [4th Date] [5th Date] Her: Stop