@rajaet: There's only one kind of people in this world 1. who are good at maths 2. who aren't 3. whose dog can come up with a better tweet than this.
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@stevevsninjas: [Earth, looking at her face in mirror after a date] Oh, no! How long has that volcano been there?
@briancthayer: Kid 1: Hurt my elbow School Nurse: Here's an ice pack K2: *fever* SN: Ice pack K3: *diarrhea* SN: Ice pack K4: *decapitated* SN: Ice pack
@EricMarten: George Zimmerman was arrested again for aggravated assault with a weapon. It's almost like there's a pattern here.