@crushingbort: "there's only one thing to do when you're Zero Dark Thirsty" *Navy Seals bust in and toss Bin Laden a Coke Zero, he pounds it in like 5 sec*
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@GrantTanaka: If it looks like a duck & swims like a duck & talks like an angry duck policeman, then you about to fail a sobriety test son
@clindsaysway: An obese old man who breaks into your house at night? A tiny flying woman who buys your dead teeth? It's a wonder children can sleep at all.
@matt_travelling: So is Walmart a verb now? As in, "I'm out of clean underwear, so I'm going to have to Walmart it today."
@SuicideBooth1: Unicorn: Come on man, do it just one more time. Dragon: This is the last time. Unicorn: Hell yeah! Dragon: [toasts unicorns marshmallow]