@crushingbort: "there's only one thing to do when you're Zero Dark Thirsty" *Navy Seals bust in and toss Bin Laden a Coke Zero, he pounds it in like 5 sec*
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@Thynebear: [puts baby in highchair] Ohhh HIGH chair, I get it. That explains why all you do is eat, sleep & drool you stupid little stoner.
@markleggett: I only watch "Game of Thrones" because I'm trying catch a background extra wearing a wristwatch.
@Carbosly: Me: *dies* My kids: *taking out Ouija board* H-I M-O-M W-H-A-T A-R-E Y-O-U M-A-K-I-N-G F-O-R D-I-N-N-E-R?
@shadygrenade: "30 shots of espresso NOW." *barista's eyes widen* Whoa what do you do for a living? "I STAY AWAKE FOR A LIVING!" *roundhouse kicks barista*