@envydatropic: There's something mentally wrong with people who ask other parents if their baby isn't the cutest baby they've ever seen
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@joejwest: [on Mars] ASTRONAUT: An alien! MISSION CONTROL: Ok, so A: I choke slammed it MC: What? A: Another one! MC: DO NOT CH A: [choke slam noises]
@MissWont: It's alright if we're doing it all wrong. After all, we are the first generation to deal with midlife crisis by staring at our phones.
@Brohamulet: Toilet paper has a lot of other uses! Your baby? Boom. It's a mummy. Your dog? Boom. Mummydog. This lamp? Boom. Your living room is on fire.