@envydatropic: There's something mentally wrong with people who ask other parents if their baby isn't the cutest baby they've ever seen
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@markleggett: 1am: Huh, I'm not tired... 2am: I feel great! Maybe I don't need sleep? 3am: LET'S EXECUTE EVERY IDEA I'VE EVER HAD. 3:04am: Euthanise me.
@OBiiieeee: Son, your mom and I have been fighting a lot lately and we have decided that *dad piledrives mom into the coffee table* we're gonna go pro.
@jakob_huber: Just vacuumed for the first time in a really long time and apparently I have hardwood floors?
@man_spach: The most useful lesson I learned from my cat is if somebody puts clothing on you, just freeze and flop over on your side.