@michael_raphone: there's two types of people inthe world: cops who are a week from retirement and robbers who want to go straight but have to do one last job
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@Dawn_M_: Homeless people are so lucky. They don't have to pay rent and can eat as many pigeons as they want.
@ericsshadow: [me telling a joke] guy wearing a "Make America Great Again" hat: I don't understand. ME: There's probably a lot you don't understand.
@mybigblondelife: If they just built prisons out of the shit they package electronics in, no one would ever escape.