@michael_raphone: there's two types of people inthe world: cops who are a week from retirement and robbers who want to go straight but have to do one last job
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@SoulYodeler: Optimism? Sure, it's worth a try. I don't see how acting like an eye doctor is gonna help, but whatever.
@Lexactly: The problem with seducing someone via text, is you sometimes end up wrapping your warm moth, or mother around his troubling clock
@weirdralph: The next time someone says "expect the unexpected," I'm going to punch them in the nose and ask if they expected that.
@iwearaonesie: me *sees wife's cheesecake* future me [sent here to warn me what would happen if I ate it] *knocks on the front door* me *already eating it*