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@ineedaballrub: thesaurus had the greatest vocabulary of all the dinosaurs
@thepunningman: Doctor: Can you point to where it hurts
Me: [gestures wildly towards The News]
@yoyoha: I bet Hannibal Lecter was pretty disappointed when he found out a five finger discount had nothing to do with purchasing fingers.
@dogboner: racist frat dudes.. now ive seen everything.
@GlennWool: when the news anchor says "if you know anything about the crime please contact police"
dont call the police and re-tell the news story
@david8hughes: Juror: we find the defendant guilty
Me: objection your honour! U already asked me if I was guilty & I told u I wasn't
Judge: he has a point