@ineedaballrub: thesaurus had the greatest vocabulary of all the dinosaurs
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@imadepoopstoday: Practicing parenthood on an egg only teaches kids that if you cook your baby it's delicious.
@itsa_talia: when i end emails with best, talia it is not abbreviated well-wishes, but letting you know that i am the best talia.
@Storminika: You ever see your kid looking so dirty at school and don't wanna pick him up? I just drove pass mine now like, 'Hell no, that is not my kid'
@sirchutney: Just finished reading a book on Stockholm Syndrome. I really didn't like the first couple of chapters, but by the end I loved it.