@_Shizzle: Thesaurus was the first dinosaur to get murdered. No one likes a know it all.
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@TheAlexP: Karate classes... Because breaking boards on your head is all cool and shit if a House ever starts attacking you.
@DayneDimmick: I feel bad for spiders. I tripon my two feet all the time. Can only imagine the hell a clumsy spider goes through.
@koalaslament: Coworker said 'nice pink shirt, when did you come out?' I said 'IT'S NOT PINK IT'S SALMON!'. Then I snapped my fingers and skipped away.
@Playing_Dad: My kid threatened to hold her breath until I gave her dessert. She's now passed out on the kitchen floor. I don't negotiate with terrorists.