@stonedcognition: These cat babies are straight up gangsta. I'm going to name them all after Friends characters. The one I hate will be Ross.
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@ixix82: By 33, you'd think I'd have figured out at some point along the way where to put my arms when I sleep.
@SteveKoehler22: This headline stunned me- "Mars to reduce carbon emissions" Until I realized it was the candy maker ... and not the planet.
@XplodingUnicorn: My 1-year-old found a jar of Play-Doh. I figured she couldn't do any harm if she couldn't open it. She threw it at her sister's head.
@Where__wolf: You guys have been the worst hostages I've ever used, hands down. *everyone lowers their hands* GODDAMN IT!!