@ComedicBust: "These diet pills better work," I say to myself as I wash them down with a chocolate milkshake.
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@upsidedowntrash: [carrot slice falls on the floor] Ah well I guess it's in the trash with you [potato chip falls on the floor] YOU THOUGHT YOU COULD ESCAPE.
@cupcakelynda: Just opened the freezer and the vodka literally rolled out into my hands, no way I could ignore this sign from god.
@nowme_datta: How do people get their drivers to murder someone? Mine sulks if I ask him to fetch groceries.