@YoungNobler: These e-cigarettes keep getting bigger and bigger. I swear I just saw someone smoking a clarinet.
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@dafloydsta: [at a bar] *sees hot chick check me out* *writes note on napkin and asks bartender to give to her* *she reads note* "STOP STARING IT'S RUDE"
@truegritrumble: Don’t have a nemesis? Make one. Key a stranger’s car. Start whistling in a theater. Sign up a coworker for mailing lists. Make life exciting