@timdonakowski: "These fries are too crispy" - inventor of the microwave
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@One2thTEXAN: My signature move, is pulling on a push only door, when attempting to get it for a woman.
@DaddyJew: Son: room's clean Me: u better not have thrown everything in ur closet S: I didnt M:*checks* nice, but wheres everything S: in ur closet
@BlindChow: [drunk w/ 2 kittens at a bar] give me another "haven't u had enough?" i'll tell u when i've had enough! *bartender hands me another kitten*
@Fruit_Slinger: I think weed is messing with my memory. I can't remember shit anymore! I think it's because weed is messing with my memory.