@timdonakowski: "These fries are too crispy" - inventor of the microwave
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@oxnuxo: Fire engines are painted red for camouflage, so they can sneak up on fires without being noticed
@michael_raphone: INTERVIEWER: under skills you've listed "gets jokes" ME: haha, very good. good one sir, haha
@XplodingUnicorn: 2-year-old: The dog tastes like dirt. Me: Don’t lick the dog. 2: He licked me first.