@Beardson: These people are putting up 'Lost Parrot' signs for the sake of their kids, but you'd think they'd place them higher for other birds to see.
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@DirtMcTurd: Wait, so hallways in mental institutions aren't called psychopaths? Well they should be.
@Gre_Gone: [Wife finds me crying on kitchen floor] Me: I fell & spilled honey on myself. Wife: Me: Will you ki Wife: I'm not kissing your Honey Boo Boo
@davidkenny100: Pal: "on your date, ask her about herself. Oh! And girls love a guy into animals" Me: "how much do you weigh? about as much as baby cow?"