@215potter: These Valtrex commercials are confusing... Are herpes a pre-requisite for kayaking and rock climbing?
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@thegynomite: Every selfie you post should come stamped with a number like a limited edition print. "Attempt 7 of 25".
@DanMentos: "Bob's here" Bob the surgeon or Bob who just pretends he's a surgeon? "We only know one Bob and he's an accountant" *arm falls off*
@dreamthievin: Life plan: 1. Befriend shady people. 2. Witness a murder. 3. Enter witness protection & get new name. 4. So long student loans!
@Playing_Dad: Me: You want to watch a horror movie for Halloween? Dog: Sure, put it on Me: *turns on Dyson vacuum infomercial*