@Phook75: They advertise unlimited soup, salad, and breadsticks. But I can personally attest that after 9 days Olive Garden asks you to leave.
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@aveuaskew: Robber: If you ever want to see your family again do exactly as I say. Now hand me that bag! Me: *sets bag on fire*
@_ElvishPresley_: *reads list of assassin targets* "Eggs, milk...what the-" [CUT TO] *wife at store looking desperately for North Korean nuclear physicist*
@Just_Lee_: When I think of you, I touch myself. With my finger. In the back of my throat to help me vomit because you make me nauseous.