@BrettDruck: They are making gluten free communion wafers now. I guess you eat them because they represent the beach-body of Christ.
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@LMLMadness: Last night I did Crossfit for the first time and now I understand why those people always look so angry.
@markleggett: I think comic book bad guys have the right idea, aiming their weapons directly at Captain America's shield. That's probably his weak point.
@ThaJawn: Interviewer: You're hired.. Me: Thank you so much! You won't live to regret this.. Interviewer: What? Me: huh?
@briancthayer: [house hunting] Friend: *hurls spear into vinyl siding* GOT ONE! Me: *hacking at brick siding w/ sword* GET OVER HERE AND HELP ME!